What is your dream? And think big, don't let the current confines of your life influence your answer.

I want to be happy, like completely honestly happy. No yelling no pain, and no sadness. I would love and be loved, and my family and friends would still be best friends, and we everything would be and i repeat, "happy" I don't care if this is an unrealistic dream, but also one simple one as well, if you can master the act of forgiveness, for yourself, and for those surrendering your weapons.

Ask me anything

Have you lost the game lately? xD

OH, thats low. very low. I will repay you.

Ask me anything

Do you think you're a good friend?

Sometimes, I like to think I'm there for them if they ever truly need me, but again sometimes I think that I might be a horrible friend because sometimes I just want to be alone. So I guess I like to believe I am a good friend when it counts. But you would have to ask them if I truly am.

Ask me anything

Things that go through my mind

I think about a lot of things during the day, about my parents, my sister, my extended family, and yes myself. But I never really gave love a chance. Lately I have been thinking about being in Like and in Love, and how much it changes and how different things can become with one conversation. Its just about getting the guts to say something to get this conversation going. I finally told the guy that I have liked for over two years that I am really and I mean really into him, and it turns out that he is into me as well. Go figure. But it would have to be a long distance relationship. And you never know how those are going to turn out, and I wonder if I am making a mistake or if I am putting to much of myself out there, in the public telling this person how I feel. Am I making a huge mistake or have I made the right decision and maybe I have a future with this person. I want there to be, but things I want don't always go the way I wish.

I wish my dad would miraculously get better, and for my mom to no longer have her illness that dictates our very lives. I wish I hadn't been so mean to my sister and we had a closer relationship, but I made my decisions and I have to live with them, but I don't want my decision about this guy to be one I regret, I want the happy ending, the one you only see in books, and movies, or in my case in my friends lives. I have never felt this way, but I can't seem to help myself. I tried to ignore it, and think it was only because I couldn't have him, but maybe I can and what I feel is true? What then? How do I keep myself going knowing this and knowing if one little circumstance was different I could be with someone I truly liked?

I don't think I have ever been in a relationship with someone I really liked and it scares me, and I wonder if that's normal? I feel like a typical girl writing this, but sometimes I just want to be a girl and think about boyfriends, and girlfriends, and relationships, and trusting my feelings not to ruin things.

I'm going to do something I never really tried before, I'm going to have hope.

Work, School, Life in general

Since the last time I wrote anything, I had recently been let go of the waterloo library, I then got a job at applebees, where they fired me for not being peppy enough and not smiling like I should have. Then I get a job with ResCare, who fired me the second day of training because my tire blew up, on the way to work, and I was only 8 minutes late. 8 minutes! Now I'm searching desperately for a job of any kind. I need work, so I can move out of my front porch, and yes I did just say that, I have been exiled to the front porch of my house because my younger sister has the only other bedroom. Life. I did meet a guy recently though and he seems like the real deal. Cool, fun, good to hang out with, but not clingy, and just a great guy, so I'm pretty happy about that. I finally started college, and let me tell you, it was not what I expected. I'm doing online classes because I have some stomach issue that causes me to be sick for days on end, and I would miss to much school otherwise. The classes are not that bad, you pretty much just read the chapters take the tests and do the discussion board for the week. I like it, but I tend to wait until the last minute to get my work done. Like right now I should be doing some discussion board work, but instead I'm writing a blog. Oh the lengths I will go to not do homework. I am truly working on being happy now, but it can be so hard, with all the things going on in my life right now, I really do not have the energy to be truly happy and that is something I am hoping to change, and to accomplish through college and true adult relationships. I need this to work out. I need the bright side of things versus the dark and dank side.