Tuesday, November 10, 2009
I was always known as the girl who reads alot, who always has a book on her, and who knows the most random facts from the random books she reads. But of late, I dont read, I barely write, I dont draw, I dont do the things that used to control my life, and I dont like it, there is a bookshelf of books i would love to read, but I can't seem to get the motivation to read them, I don't know if its just a block, like writers block, or I'm just not ready to go back to where I was when I did as voraciously as I once did. I keep trying, book after book, but none of them, in weeks maybe months by now, I have not been able to read a book all the way through, and I think it is messing with me, in the psychiatric way, and that worries me. I don't want to sound whiny because the poor thing cant read, when there are horrors much worse all around us, but this is a problem I have been having for some time and I think if i could just finish one book, I would be able to break the block, I could enjoy expressing myself a little more. Cause apparently I come off as a somewhat stern person, when I consider myself as just guarded, guarded against people and what they might do, guarded by what I might think of doing, and I am most guarded about what they could do to my friends and family. I'm the guard dog at the entrance of the cave with the very sharp teeth and not afraid to use them. I dont know if that makes me a bad person, but it is how i deal with my surrounding.